Week Seven: Part Two  - Trolls and Yoopers

Day 47

I’ve landed in Traverse City for the week.  Michigan is the shape of a left hand mitten and Traverse City sits on the tip of the pinky where it hits the ring finger.  It's on the northeastern shore of Lake Michigan and the northwestern coast of the state in what is called the “Lower Peninsula.”  Locals call this area "Northern Lower."  When they talk to each other they say things like - "I'm a Yooper" which means I live or grew up in the Upper Peninsula, or "Hey Troll" which means you are someone who lives or grew up under the Mackinaw Bridge in the mitten.

The first thing I noticed when I was driving into the area yesterday was that the sky seemed bigger than at home.  I’m wondering if it’s true and if the sky is actually bigger when you are this far north.  I ask A.I. and it says it’s an optical illusion created by the vast, flat horizon over the Great Lakes and remarkably clear unpolluted air.  I call bullsh**.   It has to be bigger.  This could be one of those times A.I. is not accurate and still has some work to do.

While I'm in there, just for kicks, and to peak my curiosity, I asked A.I. to "write me a conversation between a Yooper and a Troll that says where they are from and is quirky and fun."  Check out what they came back with:

Setting: A crowded gate at the Detroit Metropolitan Airport (DTW). Don, wearing a plaid flannel shirt, is eating a pasty out of a piece of tin foil. Sarah, wearing a sleek Detroit Tigers cap, is sipping an iced latte. They both stare at each other's shirts.

Sarah: (Squinting at Don’s shirt) Nice shirt. Is that official hunting gear or just Tuesday attire?

Don: (Grins, taking a bite) Oh, ya betcha, this is formal wear where I’m from. Keeps the mosquitoes from picking ya up and carrying ya away.

Sarah: (Laughs) Fair enough. I'm Sarah, by the way. Heading out or coming home?

Don: Heading home. Just did a weekend down state. I'm Don. I live way up in Marquette.

Sarah: Ah! A real-life Yooper!

Don: (Proudly) Guit-cher-ya, born and raised! A true U.P. resident. Which means, looking at your Tigers cap, you must be one of those folks living under the bridge.

Sarah: (Rolls eyes playfully) Guilty as charged. I am a proud Troll. Straight out of Metro Detroit. Royal Oak, specifically.

Don: (Holds up his left hand, pointing at the base of his thumb) Ah, down in the mitten! Let me guess, you guys call a simple night of drinking a "two-hearted expedition" and think traffic on I-75 is a personality trait?

Sarah: (Gasps, holding up her right hand as a map) First of all, Two Hearted is an elite ale. Second of all, I’ll have you know we locate everything by our hands down here. (Points to the fleshy part under her index finger) See? Royal Oak is right about here. Where’s Marquette on your hand?

Don: (Sets his pasty down, holds up his left hand horizontally, flattening his thumb) See, we Yoopers have to use the left hand sideways to make the U.P. shape. Marquette is right along the top lakeshore here. We don't have traffic. We have deer crossings and the occasional moose blocking the driveway.

Sarah: A moose? Come on. The biggest wildlife threat we have in Metro Detroit is a rogue pothole or a Canadian goose with an attitude problem.

Don: Oh, the potholes down here are no joke. I think I left an entire tire back in Flint on my way down. But hey, at least you guys have a decent Meijer store on every corner.

Sarah: True! But we don’t have whatever it is you are eating right now. Is that a giant empanada? It smells amazing.

Don: (Insulted but amused) An empanada?! Holy wah, girl, that’s a pasty! Steak, potatoes, rutabaga, wrapped in crust. It's fuel for mining, logging, or just surviving a Tuesday in November.

Sarah: Do you put ketchup or gravy on it? I've heard there's a holy war over this.

Don: Ketchup. Always. Anyone who says gravy is probably a Troll trying to infiltrate the upper peninsula.

Sarah: Hey, don't look at me, I'm just a city girl who thinks "Up North" begins at the Zilwaukee Bridge.

Don: (Shakes his head) You Trolls and your bridge. "Up North" doesn't even start until you cross the Mighty Mac and the cell service drops to one bar.

Sarah: (Flight attendant announces boarding over the loudspeaker) Well, that’s my flight. Enjoy your frozen tundra, Don. Don't let the black flies eat you alive.

Don: (Gives a friendly wave) Safe travels down in the concrete jungle, Sarah. Keep your eyes on the road and off the hand-maps while you're driving!

Would you like me to add more Michigan slang (like "pop" vs "soda") or create a script about them debating sports teams?

Wow.  They really hit on everything I was going to tell you - about the terrible black flies, that there is a Milwaukee with a Z, that slang words are used that I could never recreate (guit-cher-ya!).  I wonder if maybe I should just let A.I. write this blog going forward.  The only problem for you is that my updates would be even longer than they are now.

So you get it.  I'm a troll for the week, eventually heading to Yooper territory, but let's not jump ahead.  Back to my day, my story, my words:

I like to just drive around and see what I see when I first arrive some place so I spend the afternoon exploring.  I pass a sign that says “45th Parallel – Halfway between the Equator and the North Pole.”   I’m surprised by this and realize I have no sense of where the equator even is.  Not going to call bullsh** on this one.  

There are a ton of cute small towns in this area.  I stop in Leland today and fall in love.  Right off the main street on the docks they have an area called Fishtown where they’ve turned the old fishing cabins into shops and restaurants.  In the center they have a Stars Hallowy green and gazebo, with one of those sweet little post offices next to it where the employees are super nice, lock the door for lunch breaks, and share their tape.  I noticed they are much better about sharing tape at small town post offices outside of New England where it’s BYOT - you can buy a box from them to ship your items but you’re on your own putting it together and securing it for passage.  I love the whole vibe in Leland, I end up visiting 3 times before I leave Northern Lower.

Day 48

I decide to go out and see some lighthouses and beaches.  Before I head out, I need my coffee, so I Waze to the Dunkin Donuts that is 4 miles away, opposite direction but a priority.  At mile 4 Waze turns me up the driveway for Great Wolf Lodge.  I’ve never been to one of those but I hear it’s an indoor water park so I’m thinking maybe Waze made a mistake and Dunkin’ is the name of a water ride where you get dunked or something.  So I ask A.I. “Is it possible that a Great Wolf Lodge has a Dunkin Donuts in it?”  It says “Yes! Many of them do.”  Great news, so I park and head into the lobby, then I feel it.  Just like when I was leaving the Adirondacks and my hands were gripping the wheel at 10 and 2 – stress!  There are little children everywhere.  There’s music, dancing, laughing, bubbles, and I haven’t had my coffee yet.  I book through the lobby as fast I can, over to the store where I see a DD logo and ask the lady at the register if I can order my ice coffee here and she says No we don’t have ice coffee.  I’m frozen.  She continues, you have to go to the Dunkin Donuts.  I’m like, I thought you were the Dunkin Donuts. She says “No, it’s behind you, and hurry up because it’s about to close.  They close at 2:00.”  So this is the part where I tell you I had a really lazy morning and am just leaving the house.  I get there just in time. 

Day 49

Today I’m going to support the small town movie theater and walk my talk.  I head to the historic State Theater in Traverse City.  I hate to say it because the outside was really cute but it was a big fail.  They didn’t sell Goobers and the popcorn machine broke two people ahead of me so no one else could get any popcorn for the rest of the night.  Who cares what I saw.  Waste of time without the proper snacks.  BYOG and BYOP, I already BYOW so what’s the point.  I could have watched it at home in a month.  Don’t mind my grumpiness.  I’ve been on the road a while.  Please continue or start to support small town movie theaters to keep them alive.

Day 50

I drove around the Grand Traverse Peninsula today, followed the scenic Route 22 along the waters edge.  The cherry theme abounds in all these tiny towns, there are wineries and glimpses of Lake Michigan everywhere you turn.  It felt exactly like I was driving around Door County, Wisconsin, just a little smaller of a version.    Basically, Traverse City is the Sturgeon Bay of this area, the hub on the peninsula. Leland is the Fish Creek, Northpoint is the Ellison Bay and Suttons Bay is the Bailey’s Harbor.   To you non-Wisconsinites that have no idea what Door County is, it’s basically Cape Cod, but smaller.  And more important.  It’s been in the news a lot in recent years as it’s become a swing county in a swing state and people are moving there just to vote.  Apparently the person that Door County voted for in the last six elections won the presidency, until 2024.  For the first time since 1992, Door County voted for the losing candidate in the Presidential election.  Voters on the peninsula selected Kamala Harris with 10,564 votes to Donald Trump’s 10,098 votes.  This is not a political blog, so we will leave it here.

Day 51

A day to deal with some bills and paperwork.  I finally call the number on the speeding ticket to see how much I owe and how to pay it.   When I dial the phone number there is a recording that tells you how much to pay depending how many miles over the speed limit you were driving.  I’m in the 11-30 miles over category so that will be $195.  I press the option to pay the bill now and just deal with my penance.  An operator answers - at first I thought I was talking to a machine, but eventually I realize she’s alive.  She transfers me to a secure line where I input my credit card info instead of reading it to her.  The second I am done I am transferred back to her and she tells me she has emailed me a receipt. I look and it’s there already.  Amazing. I’m starting to wonder again if she’s real or indeed an operator as this was all so quick and easy.  This whole thing took 5 minutes or less.  So between Trooper Justice taking 5 minutes of my time to give me the ticket and this girl(?) taking 5 minutes of my time to pay the ticket, that means Cleveland got me for $200 in ten minutes.  The only other place that can do that kind of damage to me is Wilson Farms.

Once I’m done with my chores I get to go out and play, so around 11:00am I get in the car and head to Sleeping Bear Dunes National Seashore on the northeastern side of Lake Michigan.

O.M.G. Period.

A lot of people ask me what prompted me to take this road trip.  There are so many reasons but two stand out– I was in search of awe and the most likely place for it was more time in nature.  Well I sure found it today.  See pics attached of the Dunes and the scenic drive in the park.

Things I learned this week:

  • The sky is bigger up North.  Look at my pictures and tell me you don’t agree.

  • There are sand dunes in Michigan. Who knew?  Also, the landscape is all rolling hills in the northern part of Michigan.  It makes for real pretty driving, all day long.

  • You can eat lavender.  I went to a beautiful lavender farm and they sold ice cream with lavender in it.  It was good!  I guess there is a lot you can do with lavender.  I also bought lavender scented bug spray and the best smelling hand sanitizer I’ve ever found.  I normally don’t use hand sanitizer because I hate the smell so much.  Isn’t it the worst when people on a plane use it and you can’t walk away from it?  Don’t do that.

Pictures of the week attached in a Word Doc, was having some size issues:

  • Big Sky

  • Leland MI: Joy in Fishtown, Leland Post Office

  • Grand Traverse Peninsula: Lavender Farm, Suttons Bay, Cherry Trees

  • Sand Dunes

  • Pierce Stocking Drive

  • Rolling Hills

  • You Do You – I don’t have much to say here.  I passed this and thought I’d share.

I’m off to Mackinaw City, then for the next ten days I will drive the entire southern shore of Lake Superior which spans 1100 miles across Norther Michigan and Wisconsin.  This was a key part of the trip, why I’m so far up north right now.  I am very much looking forward to the next couple of weeks.  Guit-cher-ya!


Kim